Shots Fired by Will
“Shots fired,” reports the police scanner from above the dashboard as I climb into my truck. I lay my still-warm pistol and its magazine on the armrest beside me. Passing headlights briefly illuminate the open van doors and the bodies 50 feet in front of me. She might have been pretty; I couldn’t tell. When I arrived, she was already bloody. The two men had not been kind, and neither had I. Was it justice? The blue lights approach. I’m still not sure why I fired three times–now I have to decide if I should fire one more shot.
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4 responses to “Flash-Fiction Friday: Shots Fired”
Your first sentence must hook the reader, “Shots Fired”….so what? Try “Shots Fired” interrupted the silence on the police channel. The dispatcher’s voice was calm, no note of urgency could be detected, just stating the facts as if it were just another day at work. Now get to your observer with “It took them long enough.” Why would your observer say something like that? continue with your story and develop the plot. Never treat flash fiction as mere throw-a-way lines, write for a purpose. By the way, I can see that this inkling of a story has legs, could become a good short story.
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Thank you, William. You are the first person to comment on this post! Thanks for the feedback. (Correction: I erroneously stated William was the first commenter to any of my posts, but Hugh Roberts has posted at least twice. Sorry for the error, Hugh.)
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I think your 99 words provide a lot of scene and scenario. And the reader is left with the narrator’s intriguing questions regarding the number of shots fired.
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Thank you. That is exactly what I hoped.
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